Special Primer Note: this post is about self-improvement and building confidence when making tough calls...or not making them. It's about approaching "Decision vs Choice" from a place of empowerment: a mental framework for another possible way to view "decision" as a different domain from "choice". It's a Philosophical distinction of the two words, putting-aside their definitions for the moment. These two words often mean the "same thing" to most people, so for this post I need you to try-on the notion that "decisions are not the same thing as choices" (even if temporarily)! Also, for the purpose of this exercise, options (or alternatives) being considered should exist in the decision domain (again, even if temporarily)! Choice and choosing will be considered an action in this framework. This write-up below is not for everyone—not a "one size fits all" thing—just my own little epiphany I made years ago when faced with making tough calls. If it works for you, great! But it's okay if it doesn't. This is kind of an old exercise often seen in personal-development seminars, or shared by executive coaches.

Additional Note: if you are undergoing treatment for OCD maybe skip this write-up for now, because I feel like this framework might feel stressful if you're managing OCD. But no worries if you want to read on, anyway!

I recently witnessed a friend hitting an indecisive moment, about something fairly mundane: trying to pick what to cook for friends during a spontaneous gathering, and if there was time for a grocery store run...what pairs well with a cabernet...etc. It was a pretty ordinary moment all of us go through, when entertaining guests; however, in my friend's case he kept second-guessing himself and adding new options/ideas for what might be good for dinner. And just as quickly he would dismiss a meal idea. He would find x or y reasons why a meal option might not work-and it was back to discussing options for dinner. This wavering, about what to cook, went on for several minutes-and became THE topic of discussion for nearly half an hour-with everybody making suggestions to ease our friend's amusing moment of indecision.

Now if you know me, then you know that I have a hard time seeing indecision—especially if it's for something not-too-important...yet takes up time and energy. My friend vascillated between so many options—each option with its own datapoint—that I felt compelled to ask if they're ok. I mean, we all have our moments of indecision, it's ok and very human; however, his moment indecisiveness seemed to be one of many during our visit. This kind of thing may be nothing, but sometimes it also signals a deeper issue with anxiety or self doubt—both things we don't like seeing close friends go through. So after everything got settled, I pulled my friend aside and walked him through an exercise that a mentor once taught me: on distinguishing deciding from choosing during moments of indecision. And I am going to try and distill the concepts from that exercise here in this post.

"More is lost by indecision than wrong decision. Indecision is the thief of opportunity. It will steal you blind.” — Cicero

The Power of Choice vs. The Purpose of Decision

We often can sell ourselves short from from new opportunities or seeing some other possibilities, simply because we are worried about making the “wrong decision”. We’ve all been there—torn between multiple paths, searching for reasons or justifications to confirm we’ve made the smartest move.

But what if we shifted our perspective, here? What if there is a meaningful distinction to be made between making a decision...and exercising a choice? And what if I told you that recognizing that difference can give us new avenues of freedom and confidence?

Sound interesting? To get rolling, we first need to define these terms (decision & choice), so that we can make this powerful distinction: a distinction between deciding and choosing—let's go!

Defining “Decision”

Decide is one of those " *cide " words which aren't always rooted in creation: suicide, insecticide, or genocide are but three negative words shared with "decide"-and for good reason: the Latin root for "cide" is caedere, which means "to cut" or "to kill." The root "cide" carries significant weight, for serious situations, deliberate acts, and justifications. Stay with me on this, it gets interesting...

When we "decide", or make a "decision": we are applying reason to eliminate alternatives, effectively "killing off" each alternative...until a single thing is left...and that becomes the decision. Often we call this arriving at the best decision, or "the right decision".

When making a decision, it usually involves a set of rational options typically rooted in analysis or reasoning: you consider everything, weigh pros and cons, gather data—you might even consult with friends and experts. Then you pick the path that appears most rational, reasonable, or has the least risk. In many ways, decisions are about protection:

• Decisions protect us from perceived risk by ensuring we follow a logical process.
• Decisions protect us from blame, because we have a line of reasoning that justifies why we did what we did.

Decisions are often crucial—picking which flight to book, choosing how to invest your money, or planning a project budget. The ability to think carefully and logically is vital for problem-solving, especially when the stakes are high. But this protective function can sometimes backfire if we become paralyzed by fear of “What if I decide wrong?”

When we overemphasize the process of deciding, we might lose sight of possibility or creativity. We focus on justifying to ourselves, to others, or to our own self-critical mind, forgetting that not every situation demands an exhaustive explanation. Enter Decision's Backup-Pilot: Choice.

Leveraging “Choice”

So we just defined what a decision is. A choice, on the other hand, simply is. It doesn’t always come with a mental checklist or a bullet-point rationale. Instead of an exercise in logic, choosing can be an act of creation—giving life to something new, opening doors you hadn’t previously considered.

Think about how the word "choice" exists in our language, compared to "decisions":

Choice expands, where decisions limit.

Choice creates, where decisions protect.

Choice is brave, where decisions may be fearful.

A decision can always be explained, a true choice simply exists.

When making a choice, the "decision" arises from a different place. By setting aside my experience, internal debate, and personal biases, I gain the freedom to truly choose.

In choosing, I become open and vulnerable to a new possibility, or a new way of seeing the world, or gaining new experience. Choice is about something unknown, something creative, and may sometimes even involve a little risk and reward (entrepreneurs and CEOs, or example, are naturals at pivoting between decision and choice).

Choosing can often be about making a choice purely for the sake of choosing: not applying reason, not applying logic, not removing or disqualifying the other alternatives (the other choices). Decisions are primarily about thought, choices are primarily about action.

Here are a few ways to recognize a “choice” moment:

1. Spontaneity & Freedom – You aren’t required to lay out all the reasons; you’re simply free to act.
2. Possibility & Creativity – Choosing can be about generating something fresh—a new direction, a new mindset, or a new approach to a challenge.
3. No Justification Needed – While it’s perfectly fine to have reasons, a choice doesn’t need them. Sometimes you just feel moved to go in a certain direction.

When you choose, you tap into your power to create. You aren’t bound by having to “get it right” through a rational formula. You step into a moment of true ownership: “This is what I’m doing, because I choose to.”

When to Decide and When to Choose?

Both decisions and choices have value and their place in different situations. The trick is to discern which suits the moment. Here's are scenarios where one makes sense over the other:

1. High-Stakes, Technical, or Complex Situations – Here, a decision process with clear pros, cons, data, and justifications makes sense. You likely want to protect resources (time, money, safety), so carefully thinking it through is wise.
   
2. Everyday Moments or Creative Exploration – When brainstorming new ideas, exploring career possibilities, or just simply deciding how to spend your leisure time-sometimes a pure choice is more liberating. You don’t need bulletproof logic or justifications to "decide" you want cook tacos for dinner...or learn the piano...or try your hand at painting.
   

Learning that you even can choose...or that you can even choose to decide is a powerful ability seen in history's most successful entrepreneurs, executives, and history's most notable people all figured out.

Learning to move fluidly between decision-making and choosing helps you cut through hesitation and build confidence at the same time. Ask yourself, “Is this a situation where I need to protect something, or is this a situation where I want to create something?” A decision helps guard established norms or resources; a choice can spark a new creation or possibility.

Overcoming the Fear of “Being Wrong”

Often, the dread of making an incorrect decision comes from thinking every step we take must be rationally validated. That’s a lot of pressure! If you are in a place where you want to spark a fresh idea or break free from stagnation, let yourself choose without over-explaining or feeling you owe a justification to anybody-even to yourself.

A few practical tips to move into this powerful mindset:

1. Practice “Small Choices” – Begin with tiny, low-consequence choices. Skip the mental acrobatics and just pick something—anything: maybe it’s which new coffee flavor to try, or which neighborhood to explore on a weekend. These little acts of unencumbered choice build your tolerance for the unknown.
   
2. Let Go of Over-Explaining – Notice when you start defending yourself unnecessarily. It’s often a sign you’re anxious about how others may judge you, or a sign you're not feeling confident about the decision. Recognize that you have the right to choose what aligns for you—no lengthy explanations required!!
   
3. Trust Your Inner Compass – If you’ve already done your due diligence in those decision-heavy areas of your life (school, career, a home), then give yourself permission to trust your instincts elsewhere! Let your curiosity lead, focusing on what you might create instead of fixating on possible pitfalls.

When A Choice Morphs Into A Decision

It is tempting to still give reasons when making a choice–but adding considerations and reasons turns your choice ---> into a decision. And that's totally OK and may be necessary—but it's key to know when you're moving into the decision realm, so ask: "am I doing something creative or low-stakes?"—if not, then switching to a decision makes sense. But sometmies we "slip into" decision-mode without knowing it, and that might go against what choosing is all about. Your mileage may vary, and sometimes we should examine a choice we're making—are we keeping it a choice or does it need to really be a decision?

Ultimately at the bottom of every decision is either fundamental choice or fundamental reason: "I choose to believe ..." or "I choose to trust ..."–but adding "because" immediately makes it a reason, and techically could transform your choice into a decision. Because you're using reason in your choice. And the spirit of truly choosing (compared to deciding) asks you to be spontaneous and a little less reasonable in low-stakes or creative situations. So if you're adding very many reasons into your "choice", you're kind of absolving yourself from the responsibility of owning your choice. Not always, but its hard to say you exercised choice if you applied a lot of external reasons, analysis, or factors.

And this is why truly learning to embrace choice is SCARY for some people: choice demands responsibility for... making the choice! Owning it! 😉 But that's also why true exercising real honest-to-goodness choice is a such HUGE confidence-booster!! When you CHOOSE you are declaring that you don't need to justify making-the-call to anyone else.

It's hard to explain this concept in writing, but trust me—when we can distinguish deciding from choosing in our minds on-the-fly—using this mental framework (*of viewing Decisions as different from Choices). Intentionally exercising choice sometimes: it actually allows you to become more decisive and way more confident.

The Confidence Connection

Confidence grows when we realize that life isn’t solely about always “getting it right” all the time; it’s also about experiencing, learning, and generating new possibilities for ourselves. A powerful shift happens when we can see that not every move requires exhaustive justification. Some moments call for a decision based on reason, while other moments unfold best when we simply choose and see where it leads!

Being confident means respecting both dimensions—knowing you are capable of solid decision-making when you need it, but also free to choose without fear of condemnation or second-guessing. By embracing this distinction, you reclaim your agency and move through life with a deep sense of possibility.

A Word About "Snap-Judgements"

There is a realm of decision I didn't touch on and cannot leave out: "snap-judgements"—which we face many times in our lives. Snap-Judgements are very-much a hybrid blend of deciding and choosing—essentially collapsting these two words back into the same domain again—with similar meanings. A Snap-Judgement happens when there is not enough time to reason-through all the options before making a call. But in a Snap-Judgement, people experienced in the above distinction (of seeing decision and choice as different things) tend to be more able to make a snap-decision. Why? Because someone who is practiced at choosing, without lengthy reasoning, tends to be more comfortable and confident at listening to their intuition (aka "going with your gut").

And never forget: when you are faced with a difficult Snap-Judgement, where stakes are high and time is limited: such hard decisions are only hard because there are no best options! And when no available options are good and time is limited: that's when you just make the call, anyway, and it largely doesn't matter whather it was deciding or exercising choice.

Wrapping Up - The Takeaway

When you feel yourself teetering on the edge of a big question—hesitant, anxious, worried about “the right answer”—take a moment to ask: "Is this a moment to decide… or a moment to choose?" If you’re protecting your resources or ensuring critical objectives are met, making a structured decision is the way. But if you’re seeking to create something fresh or free yourself from perfectionism, lean hard into choice.

A decision explains and protects; a choice creates and simply exists.

Give up the constant need to justify: that's the first step into a world where you can safeguard what needs protecting (deciding), but also be creative or free when you want (choosing). Give up always having to "get it right" on low-stakes everyday things. Learning to make a distinction between decision vs choice (and then exercising choice, when appropriate) can take some effort—but eventually it comes naturally and fosters greater confidence. Confidence dissolves the fear of “being wrong,” allowing you to live, learn, and create: one choice at-a-time!

Now get out there and make good choices (...or decisions)!!