It has been a difficult Thanksgiving. Sick family members, separations, it hasn’t been easy. But my Mom continues to improve and is about to move out of the Rehab into her permanent residence. The private residence part is where things got really difficult for me this week.
Although Mom is more mobile now, and has more energy, she must stay in a wheelchair. And this may be permanent. She is still not steady enough to use her walker or other assistive device. Because of the wheelchair and strength/coordination issues, she cannot move into the Assisted-Living wing of the community she is moving into.
I spent 2 and a half weeks furnishing and preparing her apartment in the Assisted-Living wing. And she may never live in it. What’s so hard is that I showed her the apartment, and now we may have to cancel the lease, move the furniture out, and move my mom into a skilled-nursing residence instead. It would already be furnished, and is smaller and more “medical” in nature.
But this is where we are. Mom simply wouldn’t be safe in the Assisted-Living wing, where you must be mobile enough to reach a buzzer for staff to come help. This person isn’t a skilled-nurse usually, more of a nurse’s aid who helps you with medicine schedules etc. Mom cannot even go to the bathroom fully alone, at least not where she would be safe.
So, on the day before Thanksgiving, the Doctors and staff met with me and advised that Mom would be much safer staying in skill-nursing and being a permanent resident in that wing, where there is 24/7 care. It was a big blow. To hear my mother simply doesn’t qualify for Assisted-Living requirements, and there isn’t much I can do with my own home to duplicate the nursing needs she has.
I can’t express how this development broke my heart. Mom had me in her 40s, and I always knew this day may come earlier for me than it will for most of my friends. But I still never knew WHAT things would happen, or in what order, or how. Nor did I know what painful decisions I would have to make. A big part of me just wants to have her just live with me, but I can’t put 24/7 care in our home. I don’t have the money or setup in our house to realistically serve my mother’s increasing needs. This has all been foreign and painful to navigate, but it is what it is. It is where we are. After Mom’s falls this year, and recovery from her recent hospitalization, we’re down to one concern: safety. She just needs to be safe.
Safe and loved.